Thumbs up or Down on Coffee Porn?

I am strongly considering pulling the coffee chapter from my book. I think the tone may be too racy for a set of humor pieces. But since all of my blog readers are already hopeless degenerates, it won't hurt to post the chapter here and ask your advice.

You have seen most of the text before. I just took two old posts and combined them, with additional material.

Here:

I've been REALLY good about caffeine for like the last two weeks, but without the added internal pressure, my brain has collapsed into a small, withered, useless mass resembling Walter Mondale’s prostate.

Time to pump it up.

Coffee is no longer a simple subject. You used to dump Maxwell House into a percolator and let her rip, but now you have to have a Ph.D. to choose your grind, and frankly I am no expert. But I know ONE thing that will be of use to regular guys like me who want to make really good coffee with minimal training: use espresso. The best coffee I know of is Blue Mountain, from Jamaica, which costs $40.00 a pound. Absolutely no bitterness. After that comes Kona, cheap at maybe $15.00 per pound. And then there’s premium espresso, like Pilon, which costs about the same as potting soil. Use half a rounded tablespoon per six-ounce cup, and put it in your regular coffeemaker. You’ll be amazed. That’s what I’m doing today.

Ten cups of hot, steaming, life-giving coffee, slowly, wetly, helplessly dribbling through the sheer mesh filter of my pulsing, throbbing, aching coffeemaker. The drops slowly forming at the basket's sensitive tip...the kitchen counter humming...vibrating along with me in our own special, secret rhythm...

Oh God.

I think it moved.

Is it really done?

Smooth and bare as a baby's cheek, burning my skin as you nestle urgently in my palm...is it me, or do I feel you grinding...slowly rocking...pleading silently for my firm yet measured response...I feel your heat rising to my face, warming my tortured lips, carried on your fragrant steam...your scent elusive yet overwhelming...there you are before me...open...hot...unashamed...inviting...

I press my starving lips against your alabaster body...at last...your heat...your wetness...running down my throat in waves as I take you in in gulps, opening wider and wider...wanting all of you inside me...arching my back to get every last drop of you...

Not bad for $4.50 a pound.