And Zero Tolerance

I don't know what's wrong with me. When I was in college, I could drink like 300 beers and--sure--I hallucinated a little, but I remained basically sober. And by "basically sober" I mean I was conscious and not on a ventilator. Now after like two beers, I get so drunk that if you put me on a barstool next to Teresa Kerry, I'd probably hit on her.

On Sunday, I went to ManCamp. I took three Unibroue Fin du Mondes, four Unibroue Maudites, and one fifth of Ommegang Abbey Ale. I drank about half of this stuff (It is impossible to drink a six-pack by yourself when Tommy is around), and by the end of the evening, I was so plastered my organs could have been ethically harvested on grounds that I was brain-dead.

Fortunately, no one wants my organs. One organ, especially.

So I had like four beers plus half a fifth of ale, and it nearly killed me.

Okay, granted, that stuff is over eight percent alcohol, but still. In high school, I used to drink more than that between classes, to enhance my performance on exams.

Today I'm checking out my beer for quality control purposes (shut up), and I'm just getting into the second glass, and the monitor already seems to be dancing.

I'm not too happy with my latest wheat beer. It's like 2/3 wheat plus 1/3 Pilsner plus 1/4 pound 60L crystal malt. I wanted lots of banana flavor (from the yeast I chose), and I got it, but the beer seems kind of boring apart from that. And it's suspiciously clear. Usually wheat beers are really cloudy. That scares me. Anything new or different scares me. That's why I'm a Republican.

Right now I'm working on a glass of lager. It's really nice, but it smells way too much like honey. Damned Santiam hops, I guess. I'll have to drink it as quickly as possible so I can make something new. Yes...that's a good reason, Steve. Relax. You're not a HOPELESS DRUNK.

I think I'll lug the wheat beer to the next ManCamp. Tommy will probably have multiples. Whatever. I have to move inventory.

These new beer glasses are amazing. I made the right choice. They're a lot thinner than they look in photos, so you have to kind of pretend they're skinnier to understand how they're shaped, or you have to squinch them up with Photoshop.

Think I'll order stuff for the Belgian style ale I'm planning.

*Burp*