An Off-Ramp is no Place For a Debate

Have you read about the open-carry fracas over at Fish or Man? I just found out about it tonight.

Apparently Jason, the blogger who writes Fish or Man, was pulled over for a traffic stop. He was in Washington state. The law in Washington state permits you to carry a gun in your car--without a permit--as long as it's unloaded. And the law defines "loaded."

He had a gun in a hip holster, and he was driving with the clip between his legs. The cop saw the gun when he came to Jason's window.

Jason argued with the cop. About the traffic law and about the legality of carrying the gun the way he did. If you've ever argued with a cop, you know how this story ended. Jason was cuffed and thrown in jail, the gun was confiscated, and now he faces all sorts of charges.

People are coming down on both sides of the fight. Some say that if you argue with a cop, you deserve what you get. Others say the cops were wrong, and that Jason's rights were violated.

You should read the whole story before making up your mind, because there's more to it than I just said.

Here is my take.

1. A WHOLE lot of cops are mean little control freaks with flaming inferiority complexes. Nasty little shits who beat their wives and get off on pushing people around. Don't take my word for it. Talk to a domestic violence prosecutor and ask what percentage of reported offenders are cops. You'd be amazed.

2. Decent cops who are NOT control freaks deal with scumbags all day, and they don't know who is and who is not dangerous, and they do not like having their chains yanked by people who resent authority. Imagine how your nerves would be if every day while you tried to do your job, some smirking moron insulted you and refused to cooperate with whatever it was you were doing and said he was going to get you fired.

3. In the street, a cop is prosecutor, judge, and jury. There is no appeal in the street. If you think the cop is wrong, you can appeal to HIM. See how far that gets you. And he's one of the few public officials who is authorized to mash your face with a Maglite if, in his judgment, you require it.

Add points 1, 2, and 3 together, and you get the following result: it is a very bad idea...I'll go farther...it is incredibly STUPID to argue with a cop. If there is some compelling reason why you can't wait to talk to a judge, take your chances. Otherwise, be polite, take the damn ticket, and go your way. If you absolutely must, say, "I respectfully disagree with you, but I intend to cooperate in every possible way, because I realize you are only doing your job." No, don't even say that. There is no such thing as "respectful disagreement" to a control freak.

People think the law protects them from police abuse. They are wrong. What the law does is provide you with judicial recourse AFTER POLICE ABUSE OCCURS. The law does not prevent the police from wronging you. It only allows you to regroup, go after them in court, and make them wish they had never been born. People do that every day, and there isn't one damn thing the cops can do about it. There shouldn't be. If there were, we'd be living in a police state.

I took a course called Litigation Skills in law school. It was a course intended to give us practical experience. We'd intern with prosecutors and PD's, and we'd have interactive classes taught by lawyers and judges. Real lawyers, not law professors who can't find their way to the courthouse.

My section was taught by a guy named Bob. He's one of Miami's leading defense attorneys. You know what he told us to do when the cops push us around? He was talking to lawyers, mind you. Not ordinary citizens who don't have the tools to fight back. He said we shouldn't even mention the fact that we're lawyers. Why? It provokes the cops.

He was right. You may think it's smart to let a cop know you know your rights and that you have the power to enforce them. It's the farthest thing from smart. It just makes him mad and lets him know he has to work extra hard to screw you over. He has to frame the charges carefully. Arrange the evidence just so. Think of creative things to charge you with. Get his buddies to practice a common story for the judge.

No, what you do is, you kiss the cop's ass, and then he lets you go, and then you use your legal skills to make him suffer until he kills himself. Get him fired. Have the story published in the paper. Sue the department in federal court. A lawyer can cause more suffering than a hundred cops. LATER. After cooperating and going home without making a fuss.

If that's good advice for a lawyer, it's even better advice for everyone else.

Go home. Cool off. Have a drink. Ask yourself if you're sure you were treated badly. If so, fire up the word processor and get ready to roast some bad-cop ass. Beats pulling a train in the county lockup.

I don't blame a layman for thinking the Constitution entitles him to debate with the police, but it just doesn't work that way. And if you enjoy debating with the police, maybe you need to ask yourself about your own character issues. Did you get a bad cop, or are you just naturally such a pain in the ass you force people to treat you badly?

Another thing. Jason thought he was safe because he read the carry statute, and according to the statute's definition of "loaded," his gun was unloaded and therefore legal.

No.

You do not find out the law by reading statutes. Never. It's a trap. The law is not what the statutes say. The law is what judges say the statutes say.

I'll give you a quick quiz. The law says a gun is unloaded if there are no bullets in the magazine or in the chamber. Does that mean your gun is unloaded if it's on your hip and the clip is between your legs? I don't know. And neither do you. Because somewhere there may be an opinion in which a judge answered this question, and the answer may have been "no." And he may have had reason on his side. Maybe punks have been reading the law and rendering it ineffective by keeping their ammunition so close to their guns they might as well be loaded. Judges try to interpret laws in ways that give them effect in real life.

You don't like that? I'm sorry. Go out and carry your gun the way the statute says to, and get arrested. Don't come crying to me.

Look, the First Amendment says something like, "Congress shall pass no law respecting the establishment of a state religion." Something like that; I haven't memorized it. Google it and correct me, smart ass.

Now, ask yourself this: "Is it okay to hold a prayer meeting in the gym at a public school?" Gee, it sure seems like it should be. Try it. Judges have looked at the written law--the Constitution--and they say the answer is "no." If a judge can come up with nonsense like that, you better bet your sweet ass he can say an unloaded gun is loaded. You want to know the answer for real? Ask a lawyer. Don't trust your lying common sense.

If half of what Jason says in the story is true, he got royally screwed, and the cops who detained him are disgusting scumbags who should be in prison. But it never would have happened if he had cooperated. They might have taken the gun. They might have cuffed him and taken him in. But they would have treated him very differently, and the whole mess would probably be behind him by now. Is that right? No, but it's real. Would you rather be right, or facing a felony trial?

You think his case is bad? Some guys--pardon my language--get screwed in the ass while waiting to see a judge. Or the mouth. It happens. Ever been beaten up in a holding cell? Cheer up. It could have been worse.

I hope he has contacted the NRA and all the other gun groups, and I hope he gets out of this scrape with no serious repercussions. But he put himself where he is. By asserting his legal rights, maybe. Nonetheless, he made the situation worse by making bad choices.

That's my take. No charge. Think about it the next time some runt with a badge tries to get under your skin.