Seriously

I'm waiting for the fake Belgian ale to finish saccharification (see if YOU can type that while tipsy), and I am working on a tall tasty glass of my first lager.

You HAVE to make this stuff for yourself.

For the first month or two, it will taste too sweet, but then it matures or mutates or whatever and [SLURP] it turns into something so wonderful I can't even describe it.

Let's see...the aroma is like...[SNORT SNIFF] something I can't even describe. Like I said, you bastards. Maybe a little like a really potent Cognac. Maybe Remy Martin VSOP but not XO. And a touch of caramel...[SNORT, INHALE, SNORT] no, screw it, I can't describe it.

Then you swill it and [CHUG, GUZZLE, SWIG] there is a definite caramel taste and a little sweetness and crap, I can't describe it at all.

It really reminds me of Spanish brandy. But not the crap stuff people drink because they're cheap. Imagine if Gran Duque d'Alba were made by the folks who make Hine Triomphe. It's that good.

Here, pigs.

8 lbs. US 2-row malt, probably Briess
1.25 lbs. 60L crystal malt
1 lb. Bonlander Munich malt, whatever that is
0.75 oz. Nugget hops, boil for 75 minutes
0.45 oz. Crystal hops, boil 45 minutes
1 oz. Crystal hops, steep at end of boil
1 smack pack Wyeast 2206 Bavarian lager yeast

Use Irish moss to clarify and ferment it at about 50 degrees for 4 weeks. Then age it at least 4 weeks at the same temperature.

It will taste like molasses for the first couple of months, but TRUST ME. This stuff CRAPS on Fin du Monde, which is an amazing beer.

I mashed it at 130 degrees for 30 minutes--no idea why--and then 150 for an hour.

Wheeee.

Try it.