Hey, Hey

I may as well go ahead and admit that things are not completely over between me and that fiberglass fast-food Lothario, the Burger King.

Read it all at Roller Coaster of Hate.

A taste:

I hate to interrupt the celebrity postings. I’m so grateful to Tom Cruise and Christopher Walken for providing free material. I’m especially grateful to Chris. Mr. Walken, I mean. Grateful and respectful. If I haven’t mentioned respect before, let me do it now. While there is still time. And I want to thank Mr. Walken for the new suits. It’s amazing, how stuff falls right off the backs of locked trucks.

Ordinarily, I don’t wear sharkskin. Of course, that merely reflects my own poor taste. I agree with Mr. Walken when he says it’s okay for a suit to shine a little because it catches people’s attention and lets them know you’ve entered the room. And the fit is perfect. I mean, the jackets are a little roomy, and the pants are four or five inches longer than I usually wear them, but he’s definitely right: if you pull the pants up and keep the jackets buttoned, they look just fine. And I don’t mind that when he told me that, he slapped me.

Also, Helo weighs in on the border-control problem. It's too bad Christopher Walken isn't running things.