I Can Feel the Pounds Melting Away

Tell me if you buy this.

Because many of my readers are fat sloppy persons like myself, a lot of you know what "glycemic index" means. It's a refinement on the low-carb concept. Low-carbing gets to be a drag because you can barely touch normal food, and you stay in ketosis, which gives you breath like a camel's armpit. Luckily, someone somewhere figured out that the thing that really mattered was not a food's carb content, but the speed with which it causes the body to produce insulin. Or maybe it's the speed with which it turns food into blood glucose. Related things, I suppose. In any case, that's the basic concept. When you eat foods that make your blood glucose shoot up, you overproduce insulin, your blood sugar plummets, you store fat, you feel crappy, and your cells build a tolerance for insulin, so next time it's worse. And on top of that you get hungry. That's the theory, I believe.

There is another index which is supposed to be better in some ways. It's called "glycemic load." But I figured the plain old glycemic index would be good enough for me.

So I got myself a food glycemic index chart. The index tells you how problematic a food is. And the chart says raw apples have a glycemic index of 38, which is high enough to be worthy of notice. On the other hand, another food comes in at a much more manageable 32. And that food is...peanut M&Ms.

Evidently, then, you're better off lying on your fat ass eating M&Ms than apples. Can this possibly be true?

Naturally, I have decided to do the research myself.

I wonder if pizza has a glycemic index. Yes. About 60. Damn it.

Anything under 55 is supposed to be good, but I notice that foods I have managed to get quite fat on come in below 55, so I figure 40 is better.

In other news, a pig roast is about to happen. Val invited me and my dad to ManCamp for Fathers' Day, and we're going to do another apricot-glazed pig stuffed with rice and bread cubes. I love this recipe. It works with pork chops, too, so you have no excuse for not making it.

I got the ingredients for stuffing and two big Key lime pies today, so it should be a grand and glorious feed. Not sure about the glycemic index.