Pass the 30.06 and the Sour Cream

First order of business, from the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished department: I got a marvelous comment yesterday. A long time ago, I had a tiff with another blogger, and I wrote about it. That blogger's bestest pal contacted me through a third party, asking me to drop the topic because he thought the blogger I was writing about was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Mind you, the pal was not one of my favorite people, either. It's not like the request came from a close friend or even someone I liked.

I quit writing about the subject, and I even took down a couple of posts. I think it's obvious that very few people would have done that. And I never mentioned it until today, and I had no plans to do so.

So yesterday, Mr. Pal tries to post a comment saying he still thinks I'm an asshole. My response? YOU'RE WELCOME. Next time you're worried that your buddy will flip out and take hostages over something he sees on a blog, go unplug his modem, because I am not going to help you nanny him again. You are one classy dude. Why are you reading my blog? I don't read yours.

On a more positive note, I inadvertently produced a new recipe. You may recall that I have been making something I call "pico de gringo," to get fiber and, well, things other than fat, sugar, and flour into my body. It's my version of pico de gallo. I was eating some a couple of days ago, and I thought, "Gee, this looks like the crap in huevos rancheros."

So yesterday I added chopped jalapenos and chili powder, fried it in butter, and put it in an omelet sort of thing, doused in Crystal hot sauce. It was really good. I was having problems eating the salad-y stuff early in the day. Once it's fried, it goes down real nice. It would be even better with Monterey jack cheese and maybe some crumbled sausage. Sour cream! Did I forget that?

Here:

INGREDIENTS

2 green bell peppers
2 jalapenos
1 red bell pepper
1 purple onion
2 cloves garlic, pressed
juice of 1-2 lemons
handful of chopped culantro

Chop it all up and mix it. I like to squirt extra hot sauce in it. It's very good.

Okay, you just add extra chopped hot peppers, and you fry about eight ounces of that stuff with a teaspoon of chili powder, until it starts to look cooked. Put it on a plate. In the same pan, fry up a nice omelet and plop it next to the vegetables.

I don't know if this is the best version possible, because I haven't tried to improve it, but it's really good.

Guess I should check for gator stories now.

Let's see. The loose gator Steve Irwin is trying to feed a baby to capture in LA is becoming a celebrity. He now answers to "Reggie." No word on whether he has screwed Winona Ryder or Scott Baio yet. It's my understanding that that's where true LA celebrity begins.

Check this out:

Two children's books have been written about Reggie.

The adjacent Los Angeles Harbor College, one of the city's nine community colleges, has adopted Reggie as its second mascot.

Reggie T-shirts and caps are sold.

And some started a "Free Reggie" movement, saying the gator shouldn't be caught.

"Free Reggie." It was bound to happen. I pray that the first kid he eats is the child of a vegan.

A reader told me about this one. Evidently, an alligator showed up at the front door of house in South Carolina. And it was dinnertime. COINCIDENCE?

I know exactly what the gator said when they answered the door. "Candygram."

As always, the authorities explained everything beautifully. Said Wildlife biologist Dean Harrigal of the South Carolina Department of Natural Resources, "Alligators have special organs in their snouts that give them a great sense of smell." Excellent observation, Dean. Alligators have NOSES.

Miami has a fresh gator story. An eight-footer was caught wandering through Country Walk, the neighborhood made famous in 1992, when its sturdy cardboard construction shocked experts by failing to stand up to Hurricane Andrew. Did they call Steve Irwin? No, they called Miami's premier gator kidnapper, Todd Hardwick of Crispy Critters. Oops, that's "Pesky Critters." Hardwick is a local fixture, but he is a loser who will never make the big time because he does not speak Australian and has never waived a toddler at a hungry crocodile.

What is the answer to the alligator plague? I have one suggestion. Alligator chili. Looks pretty good to me.

Wonder if there are any new Olbermann email stories out today. I'll check Drudge. YES! Too funny. Olbermann now knows the biting and ironic pain of pissing off a member of the press. This is what life is like for other people in the news every day, Keith. Olbermann annoyed gossip columnist Lloyd Grove, as you surely know, by doing something or other which I now forget. So Grove is now publishing emails in which Olbermann does everything but put a gun to his own head and say, "Fire me, or I'll kill the moron."

You have to wonder how MSNBC will take this new information, given that they already know something Grove repeats in his column: "Fox News' Bill O'Reilly draws six times the viewership of his 8 p.m. weekday rival." SIX times. Let's see. Cost: face PR shitstorm and defend anchor who tells fan "Go f___ your mother." Return: get one-sixth of rival's ratings. Hmm...that's a bargain, huh?

Ticking off Lloyd Grove is apparently a lot like peeing in a tank of electric eels. Will Olbermann have the stones to reciprocate? Will he have the CHANCE? I hope he tries, because I have a feeling Grove is just warming up.

You have to wonder if Grove set him up. Did fans just happen to start emailing Olbermann gaffes to him right after Olbermann pissed him off, or was it a sting? I can just see Grove sitting at the computer, typing, "Gosh, Keith, you're so great. How on earth do you stand that nasty Rita Cosby. Your biggest fan, Lulu."

Anyway, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Finally, Someone sent me a link to a link of the video of the new song "Hadji Girl." I can't get on board with this one. PC is not my long suit, but even I can perceive that "Hadji" is not a compliment. I think it's fine to make fun of people for wearing dishrags on their heads. I have no problem with Al Qaeda camel-sex jokes. But when you come up with cute new names for people based on their ethnicity, I think it's time for me to get off the bus.

That's all I have at the moment. I wil be in the backyard, scanning the horizon for wayward reptiles.

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John Hawkins has the lyrics to "Hadji Girl" up. Judge them for yourselves. I couldn't understand a damn word when I listened to it.