Life is Perverse

Here is how weird my life has gotten. Although a confirmed fat person condemned to obesity or perpetual dieting, I am now trying to find ways to get MORE fat into my diet.

A while back I decided to cut back on high-glycemic index foods. Except of course on weekends. I mean, come on.

So now a typical day starts with huevos rancheros and a whole grapefruit, and then I have a Labrada protein shake for lunch, and I tend to find myself eating a lump of beef and a vegetable for dinner.

I eat four eggs every morning, because it takes a lot of eggs to generate enough calories to be a real meal, and on the side, I have fried pico de gallo, and I add sour cream to get up to five or six hundred calories. Then I have that protein shake later, and after that, I start to feel like I'm blacking out from starvation. Even though I don't feel hungry.

But I don't want to keep sucking down protein shakes, because NOBODY needs a hundred and fifty grams of protein per day.

There have been times when I have looked at the butter in the fridge and said, "Hell, just eat half a stick and get it over with."

I have to find more stuff to eat. I'm not going to make up the shortage with fruit, because fruit is basically candy with a peel. Maybe it's time to go to Costco and buy a five-gallon jug of cocktail peanuts.

I see now why people eat crap like flour and sugar and rice. It's so damned EASY.

I think I made things worse by extending my workouts. I did that by training my brain to tune out testosterone, which was only present in my system in trace amounts anyway.

When you're a man, you always feel like you're not working out hard enough. Women, on the other hand, put on makeup to go to the gym and then act like their afraid they'll explode if they break a sweat.

When I do cardio stuff, I always feel like I have to suffer, so I exercise hard enough to make myself breathe hard and generally be miserable. Consequently, after 25 minutes, I feel like I've done all I can stand. But smart people, unlike me, exercise longer by cutting back on the intensity. Realizing that, I recently changed my workout so I make an effort for 25 minutes and then continue exercising at a more leisurely pace until CSI is over.

I have to have my CSI. I can't exercise without Marg Helgenberger.

Anyway, since I've been doing that, it seems like I get hungry a lot faster during the day.

I should just start eating lard with a tablespoon. Who has time to waste, trying to make diet-friendly fat taste good?

I guess there are worse problems to have.