Lard is as Inescapable as Old Age and the Free Market

Good news, fat people. My editor went to a meeting today and pitched Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man to my publisher, and it was a big success! Barring the kind of extraordinarily bad luck which has followed me around like a bad smell since the day I was conceived, they'll offer me a deal this week or next.

I'm thrilled. For one thing, the book is written and the idea is out there, and some son of a bitch will eventually steal it if I don't publish. For another, this is my favorite project. Even better than alligators and Christopher Walken.

I know a big percentage of my tiny pool of readers will be happy, too, since this will put them one step closer to the SECOND cookbook, which actually contains a lot of fabulous crap.

Right now, I'm planning to bulk up the first book (it needs another 5,000 words or so) with my ten-minute pizza recipe. If you like to cook, you should be glad to hear that, because that recipe will be a boon to all mankind. There is nothing as miserably hard as making good pizza, and millions of Americans live in places where the only pizza available tastes like a sponge soaked in ketchup. With this recipe, you can get a damn good pie every time, and it doesn't take very long.

This is fantastic. Maybe I wasn't insane to quit practicing law.

I thought I'd share the news with you, since many of you are obese and enjoy gluttony.