Pirate Sex!

Today I'm working on the romance chapter of the pirate book. If women didn't already have sufficient reason to form a mob and drag me through the streets naked, they surely will when the book comes out.

Sample:

I know women get all their ideas about life from women’s magazines and romance novels, so it may come as a surprise to them that pirates didn’t look like Fabio or have a soft, sensitive side that could be brought out by means of the usual female spine-breaking tools. But that’s the truth. When it came to sex, old-timey pirates were basically looking for anything concave that couldn’t buck them off. And they smelled and said mean things, and their idea of foreplay was flipping a doubloon to see who went next.

You’re mad, right? Fine. Shoot the messenger. Women always get mad when I tell them important truths they need to know. Like, “You’re fat.”