This is Not a Chawade

I think the ninja chapter of the pirate book is going well. Here's a piece concerning Japanese ritual suicide.

If you kill yourself and your paper house happens to be in California, Sean Connery shows up at your cardboard door with Wesley Snipes, and Sean kicks the living bejeezus out of maybe seventy-five Yakuza thugs who jump out of the bushes. Even though Sean is like seventy pounds overweight, forty of which are his liver. And several ounces are his toupee.

During the filming of Rising Sun, Sean’s girdle exploded in a couple of fight scenes, killing a number of stunt men and shaming Steven Seagal into funding research to make his own girdle more lethal.

The Yakuza is the Japanese mafia. They’re a little like the American mafia, in that they’re total scumbags, but they come to work earlier, and they’re much more polite. I’m not too clear on how big the Yakuza is. I think they invented the compact disc, but in order to be sure, I’ll probably have to watch some more movies. It’s my understanding that there are a lot of hidden clues in the old cartoons Speed Racer and Astro Boy. Dan Brown needs to get to work on that right away, if he’s finished pulling ridiculous fables about the Bible out of his ass.