Friends or Codependents?

Good God. Today for the first time, I actually became frightened while eating something I had cooked.

The new, improved Hoginator worked like you would not believe. It pumped lots and lots of smoke over the ribs, and they came out perfect. I was surprised. I thought the smoke pipe might be too narrow or that the heat source for the chips might be too small, but I could not be happier. Sometimes luck is better than brains.

The food was horrendous. Mike's recipe for cole slaw is a wonder to behold. I've never seen a salad that could be characterized as "heavy" before. The beans came out fine; that recipe is tried and true. The potato casserole was a satisfying pan of gooey greasy death.

I used the gas grill to make Texas toast. Instead of broiling it, I took slices of fresh-baked bread, dipped them in garlic butter on one side, and then grilled them. Much easier than the broiling method, and the grill crud improved the taste.

The cobbler was sick beyond description. It was two hours after dinner before Mike or I could eat, which is saying something, but we sat down with some cold cobbler and ice cream and tortured ourselves.

The crust is really good, but it could be lighter. And I think I should put a little more sugar in the dough. Still, for the simplicity and effort, the results are surprising. I think it's better hot. Cold pastry always seems a little lifeless.

I refused to finish my serving. I had the irrational feeling that I might explode. I kept thinking about the jaw-dropping ingredient list.

Later on, I told Mike I was throwing out the remaining food. To save myself from it. He was mortified. He confiscated the rest of the cobbler to take to his family. Then he went on a sorrowful tour of the other foods, and when he was finished, I threw them out. He actually had to leave the room.

He has some amazing ideas. He has a recipe for sliders that is really impressive. By "sliders," I mean White Castle/Krystal/Royal Castle-type burgers. He overcame mechanical difficulties that had always left me stumped.

Anyone can fry a small burger and call it a slider. But it has to have fried greasy onions cut in tiny slivers, and the meat has to be an eighth of an inch thick, and you have to have a really cheap pickle slice on it, and the buns have to be steamy and partially soaked in grease. It's harder than it sounds. You'll love Mike's solution.

I really hope we can work together. I told him to throw 15 recipes together, and I'd do what I could. There could be some real loot in this, not to mention the satisfaction of poisoning a generation.

Tomorrow, salad and water. No, salad and coffee. Oh, hell. Screw the salad. I shouldn't need food until Wednesday.

It's been great having Mike here. I thought everyone from my childhood had disappeared from my life, and I have discarded a lot of people I've met since then who have let me down or taken advantage of me. It's good to know some decent contacts remain.