HTML is Satan's Native Tongue

I've been fooling around, using Soholaunch to create a new format for my Good Morning Nigeria site. And here is my conclusion: wow, does Soholaunch suck.

I can understand using it if you're desperate and have no other way of putting up a site, but honestly, the Homestead Sitebuilder thing I used to create my first site was way better, and I used that in 2002.

I think I'm going to put the Wordpress version up. It looks like (is) a blog, but it doesn't look any less professional than Soholaunch. At least I can get a decent color scheme with Wordpress. Soholaunch's templates are appalling, and as far as I can tell, there is no way to make meaningful changes to them from within their program.

This is what I get for deciding not to learn how to build websites back in '02. Other people can slap their sites together without help. I'm still mystified by Front Page.

You would think there would be a cheap, easy-to-use web authoring application out there, but if there is, I can't find it.

At least I have time to work today. The single radio show I had scheduled had to be moved, so I'm free until Sunday morning, about which my schedule says this: "4/8 7:30 am EASTERN WIP-AM Philadelphia PA, 30 min, Live, with Conversations with Peter Solomon, 50,000 watts."

I was pretty suspicious of that show, since it airs when sane people are asleep. But my PR people swear the show sells books. I'll try it, and we'll find out. If it works out, it may mean I've been too hard on my PR people and that I should trust them more. If not, well, I'm already planning to handle my own PR for a while, and this would pretty much cement that decision.

Agent Bedhead kindly linked my latest Walken piece. I appreciate that, and I told her in a comment that I would remember her when she published the first authoritative biography of Pete Doherty. Although I am still not sure who he is.

In other news, Sondra K. would like you to know that a fat, faux-socialist, no-talent puke has one-upped Elvis-on-velvet artistes by painting pictures of mass-murdering sociopath Che Guevara on giant tortillas. Che wanted to use nuclear weapons to burn American children alive in their beds, and the left persists in adoring him. Seems like all you have to do to make leftists happy is hate America.

Also, Elisson read my book, Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man, and he writes to say he has dreams of opening a restaurant sure to gain my endorsement. All I can say is, reserve me a table NOW.

Finally, Publisher's Weekly published a dishonest hatchet job of a review for The Good, the Spam and the Ugly, and naturally, Amazon chose it for my book's page. Way to sell books, idiots.

A publishing insider has this to say about PW: "The reviewers at PW as a rule are sexually repressed virginal politically correct librarian types who never get laid and--it's important to keep this in mind--are incredible snobs."

Gee, with credentials like that, it's a wonder they're writing obscure reviews for a magazine no one reads, instead of their own books.

If you think it's offensive that I convinced spammers that I was Adolf Hitler, you and the PW pinhead are birds of a feather, so don't buy my book. I don't know why my act made him mad. I assume he and Hitler are related, and he's tired of people trashing the family name.

Nothing makes a bad critic angrier than someone else doing something he can't do, very well. This is especially true of humor. Every hack writer thinks he can write humor, and about one writer in a thousand--probably fewer--can actually do it. And they hate it when they see someone else doing it with relative ease. That probably explains this ridiculous, misleading review.

And while I'm on the subject, nice ethics, dude. It's bad enough that you're sufficiently petty to screw with a complete stranger's career, but lying to do it...well, I'm a lawyer, and I'm impressed. I especially loved the "scatological" lie. How you derived that characterization from a book with maybe a half-dozen very mild, indirect references to bodily functions is beyond me.

Other readers say they laughed until they cried, but you say the book isn't funny. Okay, I'm sure that's your honest opinion. My opinion is that you should thank me for getting your twaddle published at Amazon; if it weren't for me, no one of any significance would ever have seen it.

Have fun shooting upward from the gutter; I doubt you'll ever get the chance to aim downward.