Pork + Smoke + Sauce = Crack

If you didn't listen to my Blogtalkradio show last night, you missed out on total barbecue ecstasy. I gave step-by-step instructions for brining and smoking a perfect pork butt, and for making a truly excellent thin sauce. If you want that information now, you'll have to wait for my cookbook or dig it out of my site. Or listen to the archived show. Which is what I would do, because the information in the show is fresher and better than the stuff on my site.

I got an email from Phin last night, saying I was surprisingly close with my thin sauce recipe, which was based on a wild-ass guess. He's familiar with North Carolina barbecue. I told him to come on the show and spill his guts. He may show up tomorrow night.

To fill out tomorrow's show, I'm going to tell the audience how to make a devastating pulled pork sandwich. This is the real deal; I make a damn good sandwich. Maybe I can get Mike to give us a cole slaw recipe.

Elisson showed up last night. He suggested using lamb fat instead of beef fat to baste the barbecue. I'll bet that would be great.

Barbecue is a surprisingly big subject, even if you only cover one style. I figure I have at least three more hour-long shows ahead of me before I move on. I have to talk about the Hoginator, BBQ beans, Texas toast, wings, beer-butt chicken, ribs, and maybe peach cobbler.

I've never had restaurant barbecue that compared to backyard barbecue at its best, so I think these shows provide a real service.

Like I told Elisson, I lived in Austin, Texas, and I tried all the barbecue places there. Bert's. County Line. Po-ke-jo's. Others I forget. And Texas is known for barbecue. Some were pretty good. But I blow them all away, and so will you, if you make even a moderate effort. It's not rocket science. You just need a cheap smoker and a few simple instructions. I think restaurant barbecue is mediocre partly because most restaurant chefs are journeymen, but also because brining something for a day and then smoking it for 6-16 hours is more effort than a commercial enterprise is likely to expend.

It's a shame to tolerate B barbecue when A+ barbecue is so easy.

I wonder what prizewinning contest barbecue is like. I'm sure it's better than restaurant barbecue, and you would think it would have to be better than mine, too. If so, that's some barbecue. I don't claim I'm the best. There ought to be some people out there making barbecue that greatly surpasses mine.

Summer is coming up. Listen to my shows and get your act together. I guarantee you, you will like what I teach you to cook.

The big difference between me and the Food Network and Emeril and the big-name "experts" is that you can trust me. I won't tell you a recipe is good if it isn't. Once you know how to make barbecue my way, you have a safety net to fall back on, and you can go ahead and take your chances with recipes from the TV liars and con artists.

You know how those guys are. Some of their recipes are great, and some are crap. And you can't trust the TV audience members who say the food rocks. They'd eat Emeril's toejam and say it was ambrosia. Get a few solid, bulletproof recipes from me before you start risking your Saturdays on their questionable advice.

I've been accused of saying everything I make is great, but that's pure bullshit. If you read this site regularly, you know I come here all the time and say, "Wow, did that recipe ever suck." You'll never hear a Food Network guy say that. They have to generate content on demand, so when a recipe sucks, they broadcast it anyway and tell you it's wonderful. Remember, their job isn't to make great food. It's to attract viewers and, by extension, advertisers.

Tomorrow's show will be on at 10 p.m. because I couldn't get my preferred 9:30 spot. Tune in and call.

Before you go, here's something interesting. My adventures with Marv inspired reader Dave R. to buy an African grey parrot. This is a really bad idea, but the damage is done, so what the hell. Dave has uploaded a few bird videos to Youtube. I'm going to go check them out, and you can, too.

Here, let me post a teaser.