I Prefer a Computer

I got upsetting news from Godaddy today. I own a domain which is about to expire. I don't think I'll ever use it, but it's really hard to give up GETTHEHELLOUTOFMYYARD.com.

I already let Angryfatdude.com expire. Turned out there were similar things already out there. If you're an angry fat dude, this is your chance.

This is day three of the software-for-fatties trial. You will be pleased to learn I have 676 calories in my calorie bank. I can eat two Egg McMuffins and drink half a Coke, on top of all the glorious food I get already. Bet you wish you were me.

The Dietpower graphing tool makes a grim prediction. On September 4, 2007, I will weigh exactly what I do now. It reminds me of the old joke about a Thermos keeping cold things cold but also keeping hot things hot: how do it know?

A commenter wants to know why I can't just use paper and pencil. Have you ever tried graphing your fat and calorie intake with a pencil? And haven't we all decided computers are good things? Is that still up in the air?

Hell, I could write books with a pencil, too. Or blog. Although that would cut down on my traffic a lot.

I generally diet with no apparatus at all. I just add calories in my head. But why not let a machine do the work? Besides, like I said before, anything that requires persistence and dedication goes better when you keep records. Try it if you don't believe me. Nothing keeps better records than a computer. Except a woman's mind, when she's mad at you. But that's a freakish example.

I came up with more letters for a tattoo intended to be a substitute for long-term memory, which I do not possess. I had written them down weeks ago, and I found the list. Unfortunately, I forgot what they stood for. Now I remember, though. I'm wondering if I can avoid a tattoo simply by thinking about this for another day or so. By then you would think I'd have it all memorized permanently.

Not sure what I'll be talking about on tonight's Blogtalkradio show (9:30 p.m. Eastern), but it will involve food. I just emailed Virgil from Redneck Gourmet, to see if he would like to drop in and tell us how he gets a 600-pound hog onto a grill. Don't worry, though. I'll have something good for you. Mike says he makes the best wings in the universe. We might discuss that. Or I could finally get around to giving my cheesecake recipe. I am never going to publish it on my blog, and believe me, you want it.

Last time, I gave more details on how Ronald McDonald and I came to have a fistfight in a Mickey D's men's room. If you missed out on that, click the player on my right sidebar, right here.

One more thing. Via TMZ, I found this petition to incarcerate Paris Hilton for all eternity. You may wish to sign.

Time to get back to work. Hope you tune in later.