I am Old

Man, I am frustrated with my workouts. My legs are in such sad shape, I can't pedal my bikes hard enough to make myself breathe hard.

Tonight I put in 5 minutes of upper-body cardio, and then I did 45 minutes on the Nautilus bike, to the tune of 463 calories. For about half the time I was on the bike, my heartrate was over 150. And I wasn't breathing hard at all.

I wonder if this is what happens when you get old. Your heart and lungs stay more or less okay, but your body shrivels up to the point where it can't tax them.

Overall, however, it has been a good diet and fitness day. Because while I planned to throw out my leftover cheesecake, I managed to work one piece into my schedule without going over my calorie budget.

In other news, I finally have sprouts. I think. I planted some Scotch bonnet seeds in a flowerbed last week, and today I transplanted two seedlings into a cup. Problem is, I'm not exactly sure where I put the seeds. So these could be weeds.

Also, Publix (the local grocery) sells Scotch bonnets and habaneros that look exactly alike. So I am wondering if some asshole farmer is planting one type of pepper and putting it in two boxes.

The old-time Scotch bonnets had a mashed-up, uncircumcised look to them, and they had all sorts of colors in them. But there are others that are fairly normal-looking and mostly orange, just like habaneros. And then of course, there are habaneros.

I'm inclined to think these are real Scotch bonnets because the heat is all over the scale, which doesn't seem to happen as much with habaneros. Maybe that's because habaneros are grown by people who have a clue, and Scotch bonnets are grown by dope-smoking Rasta men who aren't overly concerned with crop genetics.

In any case, I have three seedlings now, and I also have two more batches in other locations. So there is some hope that eventually I'll get a seedling that will survive transplantation.

On top of all that, I took an electric chainsaw and killed a bougainvillea this evening. That's always a mitzvah. Women love bougainvilleas because they're beautiful. Men hate them because the goddamn things have huge thorns, and men are the ones who have to trim them. And men are right.

I can't wait to see my fatali peppers. I'll bet I'll be the only guy in the neighborhood who has those.

If you're a plant nerd, answer a question for me. How many bean plants do I have to grow to get a bushel of shuck beans? Obviously, I mean a bushel before drying. If it's like 4 plants, I may go for it. Otherwise, to hell with it.

I've made shuck beans from plain old Florida pole beans, but the bean of choice is something called a white runner, I believe. Although I seem to recall my aunt Jean talking about "Missouri Wonders."

Help me out. Don't let a man live without decent beans.