Anything to Avoid Old-Fashioned Work

A couple of days ago I read that sleep apnea may cause Alzheimer's. Wow, was that encouraging. Like my memory doesn't suck enough NOW.

Thinking about it, I realized that the health problems which annoyed me most were probably caused by fat. Sleep problems. Heartburn. And now I was looking at Alzheimer's. Spiffy. Maybe it was time to get really really serious about losing 25 pounds.

It occurred to me that anything that requires discipline goes better when you keep records. I record my workouts, for example. Maybe there was software out there for fat people. To record their food intake.

I'm trying something called Dietpower. A lot of fatties recommend it. It has a huge library of food items in it, and you can add your own stuff. It also keeps track of exercise. It has a library of exercises, just like the food library, and if you don't like the ones that are in there already, you can make new ones up.

Seems pretty good so far. I arbitrarily decided I wanted to lose 25 pounds by September 4. It says I have to stay pretty close to the 1500 calories per day which I would have used as a goal if I had dieted without the software.

You can enter your daily weights, and it will give you a graph telling you what you can expect to weigh at the end of the diet. I haven't entered any yet.

It turns out you can buy yourself a fair amount of chow by working out. Today I bought myself 450 calories by putting in 45 minutes on the Nautilus bike and 5 minutes pushing the pedals on my old ergometer with my hands.

One annoying thing--if you forget to tell it when you drink water, it nags you and tells you to go get some.

It has a thing called a calorie bank. If you get ahead of yourself, you store up calories you can eat later. That's pretty cool. I have 506 saved up.

I'm surprised how much I enjoy the road bike. I think I know the reason. When I dream, I often dream I'm running like a dog, on all fours. Much faster than a human can run. It's a lot like flying. It occurred to me the other night that riding on the road gives me a very similar sensation. I ride faster than I can run, and I feel the wind, and the bike has a way of humming and surging when I push the pedals, making it feel much faster than it really is. And you can get a sensation of centrifugal force in turns, which never happens when you run.

When I use the Nautilus bike, I enjoy it for a different reason. I listen to loud music, which makes me somewhat manic. I've been thinking I'd like to take my MP3 player with me on the road bike, but I'm afraid I'd get mashed by a car I couldn't hear.

I often wonder if mild mania is a form of mental illness. I don't get depressed any more, but I definitely get manic, which is nice, because mania is pleasant.

Let's check Wikipedia.

Hypomania (literally, below mania) is a mood state characterized by persistent and pervasive elated or irritable mood, and thoughts and behaviors that are consistent with such a mood state. It is distinguished from mania by the absence of psychotic symptoms and by its lower degree of impact on functioning. Hypomania is a feature of some mood disorders, such as bipolar II disorder and cyclothymia. Though hypomanic people are often associated with bipolar disorder, it is in this state that many creative talents are in their most productive and successful mood. Ideas come to one with hypomania easily, and there is a full awareness of what they are doing, unlike intense forms of mania, which are a form of psychosis.

People with hypomania are generally perceived as being energetic, euphoric, overflowing with new ideas, and sometimes highly confident and charismatic, and unlike full-blown mania, they are sufficiently capable of coherent thought and action to participate in everyday activities. One in the state of hypomania might be immune to fear and doubt and have little social inhibition. They may talk to strangers easily, offer solutions to problems, and find pleasure in small activities. However, a large number of hypomanic episodes can be dysphoric. Subjects can be hostible, irritable, and in some cases, rageful. They may make poor choices and display little to no sympathy for other's emotions.

That doesn't sound so bad! Fortunately I am never irritable and always extremely sympathetic to others.

Shut up.

I ought to try harder to induce that state when I work. I remember doing things to make myself crazy as far back as 1984, to help me with my writing. But I rarely remember to do that now. It's funny. You can learn dozens of useful lessons in this life and then go to your grave without benefitting from them, simply because you didn't have the presence of mind to remember them when you needed them.

I've thought a lot about that this year. And a month or two back, I had an awful idea. I considered getting a tattoo.

I really don't like tattoos. They're fine on old men who served in the Navy, but other than that, I find the pretentious and trashy, especially on flavorless white-bread suburban kids struggling unsuccessfully to convince people they're interesting. But a tattoo can be useful in a way few other things can manage. It can serve to remind you of things. Constantly. No matter where you are or what the circumstances are.

I thought of a few lessons I had learned in my life, which I really wished I could remember to apply. And I thought I might get a small tattoo on my left hand, consisting of the first letters of a few words that would remind me of those lessons. Example: "R." Which, oddly, is supposed to remind me to pray before doing anything important. I know that's weird, but it was the first one I thought of, and for some reason "R" for "remember" seemed better than "P" for "prayer." I guess I could go with "P," but then I might forget to pray and remember to pee.

I think it would be hard to get a tattoo like that. Tattoo artists hate tattooing hands, because people regret hand tattoos. And it would have to be a really small tattoo, because I would want to get it burned off eventually, when I began remembering these things automatically.

I might go through with it eventually. If I get Alzheimer's from sleep apnea, I can have them tattoo my name right beside it, so when I forget what it is, it will be right in front of me. I'll be the Memento guy.

I may spring for the fat software. Right now I'm using a demo. I think it ought to make dieting a lot easier.