Insert Shaft Joke Here

Here is sad news. My 2003 Thunderbird is apparently a lemon.

Ford has had problems with the ignition coils on these things. For some brilliant reason, they put a coil on each spark plug, instead of using a distributor, which worked fine for millions of cars in the past. I am sure there is some huge benefit, but I have yet to read what it is. Obviously, 8 coils means 8 chances for failure. And Ford makes shit coils, and they won't admit it. The coils on my car and the Lincoln LS (same car, different body) fail at a ridiculous rate. And Ford won't replace them unless they're on warranty, and they are doing nothing to fix the problem.

I have to replace coil number 3 on my car. But space is tight under my hood, and I have to remove six 8mm bolts, some of which are impossible to get to.

I finally realized I could save myself some grief by buying an 8mm ratcheting wrench. It's thinner than a socket, and it will probably fit in there. But I have a question.

Is there such a thing as a flex shaft for an impact driver? My impact driver is the greatest invention since tits, and I would love to use it on this job. It would turn a three-hour job into a one-hour job.

I've been wondering how to check the torque. Then I realized I could twiddle the clutch on the driver and use it to turn my torque wrench. When I got the wrench to display the torque I was looking for, I could then take the driver and apply it to the bolts on the car. Am I smart or what? I like to think so, anyway.

Someone clue me in on how to remove these damn bolts, before I go crazy.

And don't even get me started on ODB-II, which I just discovered. Can someone tell me why car companies can't fix repair codes to display on the dash instead of forcing you to buy a scanner?

Yes, I know. So you have to take it to a dealership and get lied to and defrauded. So a ten-dollar repair can become a thousand-dollar repair.

If there is anything lower than a car dealer, I would like to know what it is so I can write it up for Wikipedia. I wouldn't say they are all scum who should be fried alive, but I think 98% is a fair guess.

More

People are giving me input on the COP coil I'm replacing, and the flex shaft issue. I'll respond here.

1. I am using an impact driver because there is very little room under the hood of this car, and an impact driver is a hell of a lot easier than a tiny socket wrench or, worse, an ignition wrench moving the bolt 10 degrees at a time for fifteen or more 360-degree turns. I am not worried about ruining the bolts because the driver is very easy to control.

2. I found a flex shaft at Home Depot. It's not the answer to my prayers in this situation, but it's obviously something anyone with an impact driver needs. I think I can get to 10 of the 12 bolts on my car with this thing.

3. I am going to go to Sears and get an 8mm reversible offset ratcheting wrench and keep it in a special place. It will allow me to remove the remaining 2 bolts without going insane or slipping a disk. I considered getting a whole set of SK wrenches, but as far as I know, I probably won't need them.

4. The shitty coil Ford makes for this application has not been knocked off by better manufacturers, so it's Motorcraft or nothing. Supposedy there is a Taiwanese copy which is sometimes available for $18, and I would gladly have bought four or five had I been able to find them. It's my understanding that I can expect these coils to crap out periodically as long as I own the car, so I might as well keep a couple on hand and save on shipping.

5. I know what's wrong with the car because I got myself an ODB-II scanner. Car dealers are filth, independent mechanics are nearly as bad, and I am not going to pass up an easy diagnostic tool that can help me avoid being screwed. The scanner doesn't say the coil is bad; it just says which cylinder is misfiring. The coil is pretty likely to be the problem, because this car is notorious for roasting coils. Check the online forums and see. Replacing it to test my theory is cheaper than letting some lying coveralled retard take my motor apart and pretend to fix things that aren't broken.

I have a Ford shop manual on order. That ought to be pretty helpful.

Now I'm looking for a good light to use under the hood. It would be great if someone made a light on a 4-foot cord which could be attached to a car's battery. You could make the last foot sort of like a Black & Decker Snake Light, to hold it wherever you wanted. The T-Bird's battery is in the trunk, but still, someone should make a light like that. The Snake Light looks fine, but it runs on crappy batteries that only last 5 hours.