Goose Down Rules

Note to the filthy, disgusting wheelchair bums who interfere with traffic at the intersection of Kendall Drive and US 1: when begging for handouts from a wheelchair, it is considered bad form to propel the wheelchair with your feet.

With that business behind me, let me point out that the Container Store sells squeeze condiment bottles for 99 cents. I bought three. I plan to chop some of my favorite peppers, load up the bottles, and add lime juice and garlic. And I'll use them to season my food.

"But wait," I hear you asking, "what about foods that go with peppers but not garlic?"

And what foods would those be?

I was out shopping because I had to get new pillows. My old ones were getting as funky as the brim of Mike Moore's favorite hat. Yesterday I let Moxie talk me into trying some pretty decent fake down pillows from Anna's Linens, for $13 each. There's really nothing wrong with them, but they stuff them too full. So most of last night--I remember every minute--my neck was at a right angle to my body.

You can't return used pillows, so I'm giving them away. Today I went to both BBB and LNT, and I very carefully picked out a couple of cheapish down jobs marked "soft." Over a hundred bucks for two. The pillows I liked best were truly cheap feather pillows, but I couldn't find any indication that they were hypoallergenic, so I passed them up.

I hope to God the new ones work out.

It may be that overstuffing per se is not the problem. Goose down keeps mashing down as long as you apply increasing pressure to it. This new synthetic stuff crushes to a certain extent and then firms up like a brick. And it's heavy.

At the register at LNT, I fell victim to the impulse-buy display. They had a new (to me) Jelly Belly assortment called "the Soda Pop Shoppe." This is incredible. It's a bunch of jelly beans in the following flavors: orange Crush, grape Crush, A&W root beer, 7-Up, A&W cream soda, and Dr. Pepper. You KNOW I wasn't leaving without those.

They really do taste like the brands they imitate. Incidentally, can someone tell me what kind of grape tastes like the flavoring in grape Crush? Am I crazy, or does that flavor bear absolutely no resemblance to any grape in the universe? It just tastes purple to me.

I want to start a petition to get Jelly Belly to ban grapefruit flavor beans. They ruin the Tropical Fruit assortment. Technically, a grapefruit is a fruit. But in application, it's more like medicine.

I tried to get the cheap heated mattress pad LNT is offering online, but they were charging more at the store. Or maybe I misremembered the online price.

One day soon, I will sleep again. Regardless of what I have to do to make it happen.