Help me Escape

It is getting harder and harder to avoid writing about politics. I feel like I'm not really writing about politics when I talk about things like gun control and Fred Thompson's questionable choice for a mate, or when I write about political things without promoting one side or the other, but I am skating on thin ice.

Today I feel like mentioning Hillsy's imminent Hindenburg moment. It looks like her campaign is headed for the rocks. I'm trying to figure out why.

A better question, and one no one in the press seems willing to ask, is "Why are the Democrats fielding two unelectable candidates?" Part of the answer, of course, is political correctness. You can't go on the air and say, "Obama is dead because Americans won't elect a black guy." It's true, however. Americans might elect a real brainbox like Condi Rice, if she were less polarizing AND male, but a dope-smoking mediocre nobody like Barack Obama has no shot. Period. It would be like electing Bob Marley. The press refuses to point this out, even though it would advance their liberal agenda by making room for a viable candidate, because they just don't have the guts. And I'm not just talking about the liberal press. Conservative pundits are just as cowardly.

That explains Obama. He's a joke. A scarecrow journalists and liberal voters can take out and wave to impress people with their black-friendliness credentials. It makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy to pretend he's a real candidate, but Ron Paul (Satan incarnate, etc.) is in more danger of ending up President.

I think Hillary got where she is because she has run a cut-throat behind-the-scenes program of calling in favors and twisting arms and issuing threats, and Democrat operatives caved simply because she scared the crap out of them. She has Slick Willie, the greatest fundraiser in history, beside her, and she has all sorts of leftover cronies from the Horror Years of 1993 through 2000, and by God, she is not going to let anyone get in her way. She reminds me of Fred Thompson's wife. People quietly whisper that Fred is only campaigning because she will make his life a living hell if he doesn't. I'll bet there are a lot of Democrat operatives who have been told that they can either back Hillary or roast slowly in the white-hot perpetual fire of her vengeance.

The bitch is MEAN. Let's be up-front about it. She abuses her subordinates. She has a longstanding policy of deliberately humiliating her Secret Service detail. She's a hateful, scary old witch, and I am sure Democrats who oppose her understand the certainty of payback.

I don't know why she did so well in polls up until now. I have this funny feeling that a lot of liberals told pollsters they would vote for her and then hung up the community phones at their ashrams and said, "That is the LAST thing I do for that bitch." It would be irrational, but voters are always irrational. Think about the idiots who vote against their own party because they didn't get the candidates they wanted. "If I can't get the shoes I want, I'll saw my feet off." I'd say rational voting is exceptional, not ordinary.

Liberals have gotten in the habit of defending the indefensible Clintons purely out of pride, and I think they're tired of it. Maybe Hillary's Horror Years capital is running out.

The weird thing about a potential Obama candidacy is that it would strongly resemble a venture undertaken out of principle. I know that isn't what it would BE. I'm not crazy. But it would be sort of noble to back a black candidate just because it's wrong to let race be a consideration. Perhaps somewhere, in an alternate reality, that may someday happen. It would be to their credit if they ran Obama purely in the name of progress. But he would get his ass handed to him.

I just hope Gore and Kerry stay out of the picture. Sooner or later the Democrats are going to wake up (to some extent) and realize they have no candidate, and they might start looking at people who could actually win. President Gore. Think of it. He'd give global warming addresses from the White House, with the air conditioner on and all the windows open and ten armored SUVs idling on the lawn. He'd probably get 55%. Even Band-Aid Purple Heart Boy would break 50.

As for the Republicans, what is the explanation for Huckabee? What a horrible candidate. I'm not against him because he's a religious kook. I'm a religious kook myself. I'm against him because he's a nut and a bad executive and possibly a bit of a con artist. And he'll raise taxes, which is the last thing we need. I want a Christian in the White House, too, but does it have to be THAT Christian? Honestly, I'd vote for Mitt Romney and his Magical Long-Sleeve Mormon Underpants before I'd even think of voting for Huckabee. And when did Giuliani become such an outcast? Okay, he's not the Pope. But at least he's competent. And if he is willing to appoint non-activist judges, our concerns about abortion and the second amendment should be nullified. And he can carry New York. What other Republican can do that?

Mormonism is a cult, and I don't like the idea of putting a cult member in the White House. But it looks like Romney--thank God--is a pretty bad Mormon. He may wear the Sacred Longjohns, but he managed to penetrate normal society well enough to become the governor of a non-Mormon state. And I don't think he pays any attention to the folks in Salt Lake City when he makes decisions. I doubt that he'll make Presidential addresses in which he points out that blacks and Indians are dark-skinned because they're cursed. It may be that Romney, who is not a Christian, would do a better job of promoting and following Christian principles than the actual Christians he's running against. Maybe I should look at his record, about which I know very little, before expressing that hope. After all...Massachusetts. A lunatic asylum masquerading as a state.

I think that if Hillary gets a stake in her heart in the primaries, we will be rid of her for good. I can't believe she has the clout to keep herself viable until 2012. As it is, her life is like a sequel to Re-Animator. Or maybe Alien. Maybe we need Sigourney Weaver to suit up in a hydraulic getup and shove her out of an airlock.

Maybe the campaign is screwed up because it started so early. Maybe when you start campaigning two years before an election, you do stupid things, figuring they don't really count. Or maybe, like Fred Thompson, you sleep until noon, because you think you can make it up in the last six months. I don't know. I do know that it's a boring and uninspiring campaign, and that is precisely what makes it so interesting.