Monoprice Wins Again

I love slapping people in the face with the cold, wet washcloth of scientific reality. So here I go again.

Remember all those mean posts I wrote about high-end audio cables, which have been proven to be a complete waste of money? Remember how I pointed out that audio guru Richard Clark had proven conclusively that human beings can't tell the difference between amplifiers? Well, it gets worse. Gizmodo tested cheapo Monoprice HDMI cables against the ridiculous Monster cables sold at Best Buy, and guess what they found? Monster HDMI cables are overpriced crap no knowledgeable person would buy. Even if you buy a 50-foot cable, which carries a higher probability of noise, you can exchange a cheap one if it doesn't work, and you still kick Monster's ass.

I love it. I've always bought my HDMI cables from Monoprice. I've never had a problem. I don't even understand how a problem could arise. It's digital, isn't it? Either the signal goes through, or it don't. Am I wrong? Isn't that the whole point of digital? To reduce problems with signal strength by creating discrete bits of information that always work, as long as they make it through the wire?

More amusement: a guy in the comments to the Gizmodo piece has what he claims are actual cost figures for Monster Cable. The markup? Hundreds percent. Pardon me while I laugh myself sick. Oh, yes. Pay ten bucks for a cable and sell it to me for seventy, when I could have gotten the same thing at Monoprice for nine.

People mention durability as justification for the Monster price. Uh, yeah. Because we all use our cables as clotheslines and dog leashes. Sitting on the floor behind the TV....ooooooh, that's rough duty. I've owned dozens of cables. Guess how many have worn out? Try ZERO.

I actually like Monster's cheap RCA cables. You know. The ones the Best Buy kid tries to make you feel bad for buying. "Well, your sound won't be real MONSTER SOUND, but if this is all you can afford..." They're easy to connect and disconnect, and they're limp and easy to arrange. But anything bigger than that...well...that would be as stupid as paying good money for Bose. Oh, that great Bose junk. I just can't wait to pay four hundred bucks for A TABLE RADIO.

I shouldn't act superior. Thirteen years ago, I paid $700 for an Arcam FM radio. Try to get me to do that today, without the science to back it up.

I ended up looking at cables because I was Googling Blu-Ray players. I think it's fair to say that HD-DVD is dead, even though Toshiba is giving it a dead cat bounce by reducing player prices, but I was looking at HD-DVD/Blu-Ray combination players anyway. Turns out they're still overpriced and buggy. So none of this will matter to me for at least six months.

I hate bullshit, and I hate a ripoff, and virtually every high end product except speakers and analog stuff is a grift. If you have $5000 cables in your living room, you paid five grand for absolutely nothing. Stop. Think. You work hard for money; why spend days or weeks doing your job, only to hand the proceeds over to a son of a bitch who knows he's screwing you? Why spend $75 on an HDMI cable, when you could use most of the money to upgrade your TV or stereo?

I had to buy a Firewire cable while I was in LA, and it made me mad as hell. I knew Best Buy would steal my money, and that's exactly what they did. A Firewire cable should cost ten bucks. I paid over thirty. Thank God I didn't have to use it. I'll be returning it tomorrow.

Want the Stereo From Hell? Do this. Buy Magnepan 1.6 speakers. They cost a ton. Around $1800. Then buy a Japanese $200 150 wpc receiver and a $100 Sony upscaling 5-disc DVD/CD changer. If you want SACD, you'll have to give up upscaling or buy a second changer. Get a single 10" Velodyne subwoofer and set it to come on below 40 Hz. Now, get cheap but not crappy interconnects to connect the components. Go to Home Depot and get 12-gauge extension cord to connect the speakers. You're done, unless you want vinyl. I can't advise you on that, because I know nothing about it. If you want surround sound, you might be better off with cone speakers, since they're smaller. Go to a reputable outfit like Home Theater Magazine, find out what they recommend, and go listen to them in stores. Buy the ones you like, as long as they're not made by Bose. That's really all you need to know. Your high-end sucker pals, as well as Bose victims, will come in and pretend your stereo sounds like crap, but it won't. It will be magnificent.

If all that is too expensive, Magnepan makes very nice smaller speakers for under a grand. Not quite as good, but still great.

Audio nuts will tell you to trust your ears when it comes to wires. That's bullshit. Never trust your ears. They lie, unless strict testing practices are followed. You can make people hear better sound--they will actually hear an improvement--just by claiming you've made a change to a stereo system. You don't have to make the change. Just the claim. It has happened to me, and it will happen to you, too, if you're not careful. If you blow five grand on worthless wires, you better believe you'll hear a difference. Your pride alone will see to that. But it will still be imaginary.

If you disagree, let me offer you a special service. I'll come to your house and wave a negatively-charged Santeria chicken over your amplifier. You won't believe how good it will sound, and I'll only charge five hundred bucks. And the sad thing is, it actually works. Because you want it to.