Piano Legs Takes it in her Dimpled Kneecaps

These days, reading the news is like eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch with a rat turd waiting at the bottom. John McCain is a borderline-stupid, treacherous, selfish bastard who may not be bright enough to be President. And that's bad. On the other hand, Hillary Clinton's political career may be over. And that's pretty sweet.

The old bitch has lost ten primaries in a row, and people being the sheep that they are, her success is driving voters to switch to her side. I have never understood why you would want to vote for a frontrunner. Voting for the only non-nauseating person who can possibly win--that, I understand. I voted for Romney in the primary, and I'll vote for McCain in the general election. But I can't imagine picking Obama over Hillary, in a two-man (yes "man") race, just because Obama is ahead.

People are basically monkeys. I can't repeat it enough. Where do I apply to join another species?

Here's what I think is going on, on the left. People are finally realizing it's okay to hate the Clintons. They made Democrats even more miserable than Republicans during their auto-pilot, poll-driven monarchy. Thanks to the idiot Clintons, Democrats had to waste tons of time and money defending the indefensible. Surely they must be tired.

Bill Clinton's problems were not driven by stupidity and spite, as BDS is driven now. They were driven by Clinton's laziness, lust, incompetence, and all-around immorality. Bill Clinton didn't mind causing problems for his party, as long as he got to screw a fat intern once in a while. To Bill, Bill was special. He was important. He was Bill. The underlings were privileged to clean up his messes and change his diapers. That was his attitude, and judging from his hilarious, bitchy, all-deserving attitude in the present campaign, nothing has changed. Bill does something stupid. The lackeys deploy to put out the fire. I think the lackeys are tired.

Incidentally, I hope this campaign puts an end to the myth of the Clinton brilliance. Bill Clinton is one of the worst, least competent politicians ever. Newt Gingrich slapped him around like a speed bag, until the press took Gingrich out for him. Bill the great genius put his wife--an unelected nobody--in charge of the nation's health care system. He perjured himself, when he could have kept things quiet by paying an affordable sum. Oh, yeah. Brilliant.

Clinton was a Rhodes Scholar, yes. That's a political appointment. Brains are irrelevant. Your cat could be a Rhodes Scholar, if it kissed the right ass at the right time. Next argument? Bill went to Yale. Yes, well, George Bush went to Yale, and everyone thinks' he's stupid. And Clinton's success was due largely to Yale's geographic quotas. Bill Clinton went to Yale Law School. Yes, and he failed to distinguish himself, and he went at a time when students received no letter grades. He let Kim Jong-Il talk him into giving North Korea a nuclear program. He lost the "nuclear football" codes at least twice. Judging from his accomplishments, this is not a particularly intelligent person. It's easy to be a success when 150 million petulant Democrats refuse to let you fail.

I'm not too scared of an Obama presidency, because it will be like four years of David Dinkins. He has no political capital at all, he has no discernible skills apart from being more likable than Hillary, and there is no reason to think anyone will pay attention to him once he's in office. He'll be able to put kooky federal judges on the bench, and that's a terrible loss to our country, but he'll only be able to do it for four years. He'll be the party's presumptive nominee in the next election, and he'll get his ass handed to him in individually wrapped slices.

Obama is a big empty space. He went to Columbia and Harvard at a time when they accepted damn near all black applicants. He had to transfer in order to get into Columbia, even with mindless, blanket affirmative action. He went on to become a law school instructor, which, as any lawyer can tell you, is a highly significant sign of utter incompetence. Roughly 95% of law professors are total idiots. He did absolutely nothing of note until he was middle-aged. He has not served in the military. He hasn't produced any legislation. He hasn't done a goddamn thing. If he wins, he'll probably be as effective as Jimmy Carter.

I don't think he'll win. I think racists will rise from the dead to vote against him, and in a close election, that will assure a defeat. I think 20% of the American people would move to France before they would vote for a black President. What they say to pollsters isn't always indicative of what they'll do when no one's looking. That's a crappy reason to lose an election, but at least the end result will be positive.

I dread seeing Obama destroy McCain in the debates. Obama is no genius, but McCain is probably as dumb as Democrats wish George Bush was. I think McCain's only asset is that Obama is wrong about everything. Sometimes, in a debate, that helps. Maybe God will bless us and Obama will threaten to bomb our allies again.

Oh, well. Hillary is coming apart in big, flabby chunks, and I'm loving it. She's a rotten human being, and her ideas are dangerous, and she deserves a big faceful of floor. I am enjoying this tremendously. Even if I have to swallow that rat turd eventually.