Example

I'm trying to come up with clever stuff to do on my Nowlive show (Sundays, 7 p.m. Eastern), but it's not easy with this tiny, beer-pickled brain. Tonight I'm planning to do a quiz game with a fabulous prize. Answer a few simple food-related questions, and you get a fabulous pair of my very own boxers. From Target.

This brilliant idea came to me after I became aware of a similar show in which porn actresses give away their underwear. You see, I'm a progressive guy. No, really. And progressives say men and women are exactly the same, except for silly ideas society has pounded into them. If men want to win women's underwear on radio shows, it naturally follows that women want to win men's underwear.

If you're a man and you inadventently win, I am willing to refrain from mailing you the prize. For a fee.

The boxers have been washed, which is probably a bummer for all you ladies who are anxious to bag them. However in the interest of total disclosure, they have been in a drawer in Florida's humid climate for several years, so there is a possibility that they contain a fair amount of mold.

I know what you want to ask. Will I model them for you? And the answer is, only if you sign a waiver and promise to wear OSHA-certified welding goggles.

I'll see you at seven. Good luck.