Blog Traffic is What Really Matters

Got a comment today implying my traffic is slumping solely because I write about religion. Not because I write about guns. That's not true. People complain about the gun posts. Almost no one complains about the religious posts, but I guess that's because it's a touchy thing to criticize, and because most people don't want to look like they have a problem with God.

Traffic is down for a number of other reasons, too. For one thing, I have cleaned up the blog to some extent. That's not popular on the Internet. Let's face it; the Internet is filthy and cruel, and that accounts for a big part of its popularity.

How many of us, twenty years ago, would have expected a day would come when words like "goatse" and "tubgirl" would instantly bring familiar images to mind? Nobody could have seen that coming. The Internet has provided a wealth of information, and it's a boon to commerce, but it's also our collective id. Thanks to the Internet, movies of women having sex with dogs and horses are only a credit-card transaction away. The same can be said of kiddie porn or whatever other disgusting entertainment turns you on. Ogrish. Liveleak videos of American GIs being blown apart by snipers. You name it; it's out there.

We are getting very mean and gross in this country. And the Internet is one reason. Thanks to anonymity and distance, we can say things about people we would ordinarily never dream of saying. Traditional wisdom says that if you can vent your anger harmlessly, you'll reduce the level of anger you carry during the day. I think that's completely wrong. It gets you used to expressing anger, so you do it more often.

Back when I was running Huffington's Toast, I was criticized by my guest writers because I tried to keep things relatively tame. Some of them wanted to pull out all the stops. I didn't want to be responsible for a site like that. And I felt like I was showing restraint. But in retrospect, I see I wasn't restrained enough. That applies to most of my history as a blogger, not just the Huffington's Toast era. Even though I thought I was pulling punches, I published stuff that I now realize went too far. I didn't do the world a favor by putting that material before the public.

I read something disturbing the other day. It's funny, how you can think you're a knowledgeable Christian and then read something in the Bible that takes you by surprise. Somewhere in Matthew, Jesus said people would pay for all their careless utterances. And elsewhere, Paul says not to indulge in filthy talk. I have a pretty serious track record to worry about. I don't want to make it worse.

These days, many conservatives on the web work very hard to remind people that they're hip. They use bad language to excess. They make it clear they don't believe in God. They endorse modern morality, which is to say, the absence of morality. They hide behind cheap, convenient tolerance, trying to turn moral spinelessness into a virtue. I don't want to get caught up in that, any more than I already have. I don't smoke dope. I think sex outside of marriage is stupid. I would love to see pornography outlawed. I pray every day, and I don't really care who knows it. I believe in Satan and demons, just like Jesus did. And I think the urge to be cool is a symptom of severe, crippling immaturity. In fact, I'm completely certain of it. I am trying to grow up a little. It would be nice to see the idea catch on. Maybe it is. I know a few people who seem to be way ahead of me.

I guess I put people off. A lot of people feel extremely uneasy when they hear someone talk about God. I don't. I know I did in the past, but it was a long time ago, and my memory of the sensation is not good, and I don't empathize very well with people who still have the feeling. It's peculiar that it makes people uncomfortable. Why is that? If He created us and wants to make us part of a beautiful plan, shouldn't the natural thing be to feel drawn to religion? I remember being uncomfortable around preachers and other religious people, but I can't remember why I felt that way.

I've been moving in this direction for a year or two, and I feel better and better as I make progress. When God takes too small a role in my life, I tend to feel like a kid who ate an entire box of chocolates by himself. I do things that I hope will bring me peace and pleasure and so on, but they're always a little off, somehow. And they usually have a price, the way liquor has a hangover. I tend to feel sated but somehow indebted. When you do the things a Christian does, it's different. You get better satisfaction, with no aftertaste. The godless life leaves me feeling crusty and tired and grimy, like I need a shower and a clean bed. Living in a more spiritual way leaves me feeling clean and free and nourished. It's impossible to explain to someone who hasn't been there, but I suppose many other Christians will know instantly what I mean. It's not really a sacrifice, and it doesn't produce a dry, ascetic, puritanical existence. It's very pleasant. Not something you should feel uncomfortable about.

I think typical Christians think of religion this way: they avoid facing it head-on, the way you would avoid making eye contact with a bum, because they're terrified that if they get involved, they'll have to give up all the fun in their lives. The casual sex. The drunkenness. The porn. The selfishness and materialism. They figure they'll enjoy all this stuff and then count on forgiveness. I've felt that way. But it says a lot about your respect for God, doesn't it? You think He's smart enough to save you from hell, but not competent to guide your life. If you live like that, you end up leading a pretty meaningless life, and you also miss out on the best aspects of being a living Christian.

Maybe I'll completely ruin my traffic. I don't care. I make damn near nothing off of this site, and it's not a business, so I don't worry about pleasing customers. I think the most likely thing is that I'll drive off people who were drawn to my worst traits, and I'll attract people who are more positive. And like I've said before, we are all going to die, SOON, so why should I care about people think of me during my brief time on earth? I am more than halfway done with life, and the years pass faster and faster. Before I know it, it will be over, and what will it matter that people who didn't know what I knew thought I wasn't cool?

I haven't told the whole story. My life has improved tremendously. I have more freedom, and I have power behind me. It's not hard to live this way, and it's completely worth it. I hope I don't give up, the way I did sixteen or seventeen years ago. I've even become more open to the idea of marriage, largely because two people can help each other stay on the path.

Read this blog, or don't. I feel like I'm on the right track.